Off Topic: Facebook is not my friend

For everyone out there resisting the ever increasing number of rabid Facebook fans, this one is for you:

http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/2/23/123715/655/923/700817

Lest anyone be losing sleep about the state of my sandal collection after my annoying experience with my Guess slingbacks, you may rest assured that I have solved my dilemma. Introducing my new Kenneth Cole Reaction sandals, pictured above. I cannot WAIT for spring weather to arrive so I can wear these babies.

So long, Guess Rally slingbacks. May the used clothing store buy you so you can bother someone else.

Trend Review: Jumpsuits

So, I'm browsing though the latest InStyle magazine, and what did I happen upon? Yet ANOTHER magazine editor telling us that jumpsuits are back, and in a big way.

Let me just tell you two things about jumpsuits:
1. If you are over 25, you WILL look ridiculous in something this trendy and utterly silly; and
2. They are NOT flattering. Nope, not even the one everyone says is flattering. It's a damn jumpsuit people! Are you blind?

You can call them rompers if it makes you feel better, but even in silk or cashmere, jumpsuits are not ok. I get why they are appealing- one piece is easy and means you can focus on the really fun part of dressing: accessories. However, that's why god- or Diane von Furstenberg- invented dresses. And I get that being totally covered up can be comforting. But overalls are comforting, and I don't see those all over the damn place. (Overalls are in the Unacceptable category too, in case you were wondering.)

You know what I find comforting? The idea that women will somehow see through the complete bull in some of these magazines and learn to think for themselves. Just a little bit. I'm not throwing stones- I read all of the same magazines. I just have learned that not every trend is a good one and many of them don't work for many people.

There is no way jumpsuits are here to stay. They are retro in the worst of ways. And they are most certainly not flattering on actual people. If, by some craziness, my prediction turns out to be wrong and jumpsuits flood the market and people bite, my unwavering faith in women to make good decisions most of the time will be severely shaken.

You know what the woman in this picture looks like? A trend slave, an auto mechanic, and a little fat. And there's no way this Bebe model is fat. Bebe.com, by the way, has an entire shopping category for jumpsuits. Imagine my delight upon discovery that little bit of trivia.

Please don't buy a damn jumsuit. If you must dress head to toe in all one color and fabric, try some separates with interesting, or at least contrasting, shapes. A little variety and creativity never hurt anyone.

Your Closet Profile: Tights

Let's do a mini profile on tights, mmm kay?

First, let's discuss the basics. Having a pair of black or grey tights is pretty key to wearing skirts and dresses in cool weather. I recommend having at least two pairs of each- one of each color in a lighter weight, and once of each in a heavier fabric, like wool or heavy cotton. I'm a huge fan of DKNY for affordable tights that fit well and come in a variety of colors.

Other options that will take you far: navy, brown, army green, and burgundy.

Now on the the fun stuff: colors, patterns, and textures.

I love patterned tights in measured doses. Floral, striped, even some polka dots- in neutral colors they are great for work because they subtly add texture and pattern in a fairly toned down way. Patterns in non-neutral colors are best left for the weekend. Avoid anything with skulls or animals. We are all adults here, people.

Solid colors are also great in small doses. Even a bright color can be work appropriate in some offices, but I recommend keeping the flash of color to a minimum even in a more creative office environment. Colors tights with boots and a skirt is a fun way to do this without showing a whole leg of cobalt blue. Full-on periwinkle legs, like those above, are best left for an 80s dance party.

Textured tights are awesome! They tend to be warmer than other tights and add dimension to your outfit. I love ribbed tights in the winter with boots.

Tights with Open-Toed Shoes

Let's get this out of the way: you CAN wear tights with open-toed shoes. You may never, EVER, under ANY circumstances, wear pantyhose with open toes, however. The distinction is: the former looks purposeful and fun, the latter looks geriatric and hideous.

I tend to stay on the peep toe side of open toes when I wear tights with non-closed toed shoes. A little contrasting or complimentary colored tight peeking out is fab. A full set of cobalt/gray/burgandy toes is a bit harder to pull off, and I don't recommend it for beginners. First, it must look delibrate, not like you just couldn't find another pair of shoes to wear with the outfit. Second, the tights must be as opaque as possible. Sheer tights are fine with other shoes, but end up looking just like pantyhose when seen with open-toes.

Storage

If your tights are in a jumbled mess, listen up! Tights should be stored carefully to prevent snagging. I use plastic sandwich bags- each pair has their own bag, labeled with its contents (i.e., Black Chevron Stripe) so after I wsh them, I know where they go. All of the bags are their own drawer. If you have a different idea, go for it. Excessive snagging and pilling is a sign that you must say goodbye to that pair.

Steve Madden Sale

Check it out: http://www.stevemadden.com/category.aspx?id=157

Amazing prices and some pretty sweet stuff. Happy hunting!

New Jewelry Find!

I heart Alex Monroe. You simply MUST check out the site at http://alexmonroe.com/.

Even if you detest birds, a la my little sis, surely you can appreciate the intricate, organic nature of these pieces. Butterflies, flowers, bees, oh my. The stuff is ridiculously adorable without feeling kitschy. And the prices aren't even super scary.

Superbowl Party Attire

It's all about jeans, ladies. Costumes are not going to impress the boys OR the girls, and I swear if I see a dress of ANY kind I will throw up. Now is the time to pull out that NFL jersey your little brother got you for Christmas. Now is not the time to show off your new pumps from Bloomies. In the last several years, I have seen grotesque amounts of thong underwear, prissy heels, and way too much cleavage at Superbowl parties.

Let's all be realistic this year: it's about the game, the commercials, the (hopefully scandalous) half-time show, and chili. It's not about you.