Monday, July 26, 2010

Going underground...

To slay the white whale I have been stalking for over 2 months.

In the meantime, check out some Printastic! prints The Fashion Police have rounded up.  I disagree that Miu Miu is to blame (or credit) for the animals-on-everything trend, but I do find their picks fun.

Huff Po, always one for good fluff, has an article on The Worst College Fashion Trends.  A) I can't believe kids are still wearing their damn pjs to class (um, hello the 1990s want their dumb lazy-ass trend back), and B) the list is missing the hideous shorts with boots trend scaring- and scarring- people everywhere.

Also, I saw this link on Go Fug Yourself, and had to share.  Seriously, just check out Catalog Living.  Bonus: totally SFW.

And in case you want something slightly less fluffy (I said SLIGHTLY, people), check out two different articles on the same issue: Regulating Photoshop and all women aspiring to be an hourglass

See you next week.

Friday, July 23, 2010

What's the Diff? Oxford Edition

These oxfords are from Steven by Steve Madden and are $69.99 ($99 originally):

These oxfords are at Modcloth and are $39.99:

So, the ones from Modcloth are a little...shinier?   And aren't real leather?  I'm gonna go with WHO CARES on both counts and pick the cheaper ones, since I can't imagine wanting to wear these more than twice before I feel like I've been cast in a musical or, you know, back in the 1950s.  As a man.

What's the Diff?

Want shoes adorned with random crap?  (Don't misunderstand me, I love a studded shoe, but the inclusion of stars, leaves, and rhinestones leaves me cold.)

These are the Trinket Flats for $155:

This is the Astronomer Flat for $34.99:

No, I haven't gone blind.  I can see they are clearly different shoes.  But really, when you get past the different colors and toe shapes, are they really so different ? One has studs, stars, leaves, and rhinestones, while the other has studs and stars.  My choice would be the Astronomer flats, since they don't include rhinestones (shudder) and I think a pointy toe is more flattering.  Plus, $155 for tacky trinket-laden shoes? As if.

WTF Friday

Um, Courtney Love has a fashion/style blog.  It's called What Courtney Wore Today.

It's...well, I find it boring.  WTF?!  Shouldn't the blog of the Train Wreck Who Practically INVENTED Train Wrecks be at least a LITTLE bit interesting?

(Believe me, this picture is a kind selection.  If I were you, I would NOT run a Google image search on this chick.)

Maybe Fashionista describes it best in the article Five Things We Can't Stand About Courtney Love's Fashion Blog.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Creepy Accessories: disembodied fingers and hands

Um, gross.

This finger ring is creepy as hell.  As is its price- $100.

And this hand necklace?  $200.  Oh, and EEEWW.

Sure as hell makes my bird accessories obsession seem a lot less weird.

Jezebel rips Anthro's latest catalogue a new one

And it's totally hilarious.

Check it out here.  I especially like pictures (pages?) 4 and 11. 

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Virtual Shoe Museum

Need a time waster?  Check out the Virtual Shoe Museum, home to some fabulous shoes and many that are beyond weird. 

Proving, yet again, that shoes can be art.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sale Alert! Massive Anthro Sale

Anthropologie just marked down a TON of stuff, so their sale is currently massive.  If you like their stuff and you check it out, let me know what you scored!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Monday, A Time For Random Crap

If you have a love/hate relationship with white pants, I recommend this post on Let's Have a Cocktail: If Jennifer Lopez can wear white pants, why can't I? 

Totally NSFW: The Fashion Police's review of The Hairy Underwear Collection by Nutty Tarts.  Yep, it's what it sounds like.

For some dishy randomness, check out 5 Things The Fig Girls Shouldn't Have To Tell You (but Will Anyhow) on Lemondrop.

Aaaaaand I'm spent.  Let me know when Friday hits, ok?

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Printastic! Shoe Print, Part 43

If you didn't get enough shoe print last time I discussed it, here's some more:

This is the Perfect Pair Cardigan:

And here's the Shoes Hinged Wallet:

Jesus, there's a whole damn line of this crap:

Uh huh.  That's a boot print.

Don't worry, this brand apparently has other prints, too.  The Stepping Out collection (shudder):

And the Golf Day line (a true horror in pleather):

Shame on you,, for carrying such repulsive creations. 

If you DID get enough the last time I discussed this, then I hope you skipped past all of the preceding hideousness to get here, the merciful end.

Until next time.

(Cue maniacal laughter)

Friday, July 16, 2010

WTF Friday

Welcome to WTF Friday, my new feature where I post weird/random/stupid crap for which my only response could be: WTF?!

Today's was sent to me by S (um, thanks?).  It's the Wine Rack:

And it's exactly what you think it is- a "bladder" of wine you store in your bra so you can funnel wine all day like the alcoholic version of the candy & cigarette girls at random concerts.

My favorite line of the article?  "It's not like one boob fills up and the other goes flat," Krasulja said. "I made my girlfriend put it on, and she looked good."

Gives new meaning to the term "wine boob".

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Printastic! Boat Print

I think it's pretty obvious where you should come down on this craziness. 

I present to you, ladies and gents of the jury, Exhibit A, the Cute-opher Columbus Dress:

I shit you not, that is what it's called.

Exhibit  B, the Stylish Wanderer Dress:

If by "stylish" they mean Arse Ugly, then I wholeheartedly agree.

Exhibit C, the I Want It That A-Weigh Romper:

Yeah, those ARE boats and anchors you see.

Exhibits D and E:

The shirt:

The skort:

Yes, I said skort.

And for the love of people with eyes, do not even consider wearing these pieces together.

Exhibit F (for big, fat FAIL), the beyond-preppy Green Boat Print tank:

Don't even THINK of pairing this with crisp white pants and leather thongs. 

Exhibit G, the Into The Sunset Tee:

This is passable, but I dread seeing the big orange bulls-eye on one my - or your- girls...

Now I ask you, can you justify a verdict that doesn't condemn these to eternal ugliness?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Handbag of The Day: Blue Leather Beauty

This fab bag is the Blue-ly, Madly, Deeply Bag for $129.99.

This is on my lust list for fall.  It's the perfect size for every day without being huge, it has an adorable floral lining, and is made from recycled leather.  Love.

Printastic! Bird Print

People, there's just too much of it not to have an entire post dedicated to bird prints.

This Swallow Print Dress makes me beyond happy:

This Scalloped Bird Print Dress is also up my alley in a big way:

Hope you like parrots, because they are easily found, too.  Here's a parrot print shirt:

And another:


And god forbid I overlook the dresses.  Here's the first:

Here's the second:

One for the owl people; how could I forget you?

Yep, those are multi-colored owls.

Let's not forget the M birds of our youth:

This is a quirky, M.C. Escher-inspired print:

I think we all get the picture...

Bird print: pro or con?

Monday, July 12, 2010

What's the Diff? Price Edition

This is the De Florista Dress from Mod Cloth.  It's $63.99.

This the Motel Parrot Fit and Flare Dress from ASOS.  It's on sale for $37.06 (originally $58.96).

Does anything really need to be said here?  They are the EXACT SAME DRESS.  They can call them different things and price them differently, but I'm not sure what I get from Mod Cloth for the extra $26.93 ($5.30 before it was on sale) except shame at over-paying for a dress that's beyond silly in the first place. 

Do yourself a favor and SHOP AROUND, people. This is not rocket science, it's freaking highway robbery.

Animals Humping Pillow. For $85.


Judging by the Pillow Pillow Pillow (yeah, the word starts to become meaningless, right?) animal pillows sold at Mod Cloth, these are around $85. 

The company calls this the "Warm Sunday" pillow, but it just looks like animals humping to me. animals humping pillow for $85. 

That's...yeah.  Happy Monday.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Surprise Birthday Gift

S surprised me with this at dinner last night, which was not only super fun, but also a COMPLETE surprise, given that this is the email exchange we had (I kid you not) when I discovered her on May 5:

Me: I know I can't have this but... it's SO AWESOME.

S: NO!

Me: Waaaaa! But I love her!

S: You already have one.  Your case is not big enough for another one.

Me: I can get NEW case! Just for her!

S: No.

Me: I just blogged about her.  Sniff.

Little did I know, S bought her that very day and hid her at his office for two months. 

Here she is, in all her glory - Anemone Barbie by Christian Louboutin:

For close ups of her dress and shoes, click here. But here are her shoes, because they are so awesome:
Hellooooooo tiny shoe boxes and shoe bags.  

I think S is a keeper, no? 

I'm off to find her an archival case, so she can get cozy next to her sister.

Printastic! Drinks

Appropriately, Anthropologie has a feature called Madcap Prints.  The highlights?  Teacups and kettles.

This is the Sugar and Cream Dress.  For $158, you can look like you are part of a perpetual tea party, a la Alice in Wonderland.  Love the shape, not loving the print.

These are the Piping Hot Sleep Pants.  They are $48.  All I can say is I wouldn't even spend half that to wear these.

 Not a tea drinker? Here's the Daily Grind Tee featuring coffee makers:

Prefer your drinks from a bottle?  How about the 99 Bottles Tee?

Tea cup/kettle/coffee maker/bottle print: Pro or con?

Friday, July 9, 2010

Printastic! Candy Print

I want candy.  But not on my clothes.  To me, it looks juvenile, even a little carnival-esqe. 

This is the Candied Dots Blouse.  Um, no.

This is the somewhat related Chocolate Box Cardigan.  It's less offensive for some reason, but I still wouldn't pay $128 for it.

This is the (old) D & B Candy Print Bag.


Candy print: pro or con?

Post-Pregnancy Dressing

I received a request for help on dressing post-pregnancy.  I have never been pregnant, but I do know what it's like to try to hide my (perceived or real) flaws and dressing while experiencing very real body issues.  So, here's what I recommend:

1. Get over the label.

This is one of the hardest things for women to do.  They were a 6 before and now they are a 10. They were a 12 before and now they are an 18.  It totally sucks, but here's the reality: you are dressing the body you have RIGHT NOW. Not the body you had before or want to have again.  And while you might be planning to lose weight, work out, whatever, you can't go around naked or wearing your husband's sweats every day.

So let it go.  Do it! Right now!  You can cut out the tag, lie to your friends, pretend it's a different number or letter.  But get over it, because otherwise, the rest of what I have to say will be meaningless.

2. Buy cute shoes.
I'm serious.  Even if you don't like your shoe size (I hear feet swell during pregnancy and not everyone's go back), shoes are the easiest way to make your jeans and tee feel special and you can be as fussy and particular as you want to be with them.  Like flats?  Get some in a fab color.  Like heels?  Get some to wear on date night.   Get shoes you WANT to wear, not shoes you have to wear.  Chances are, you already have several pairs of practical shoes that will bore anyone with eyes.

Also, if you don't have them, get ballet flats.  Yes, ALL OF YOU.  No, they don't have as much support as Asics.  And they don't have as much sex appeal as stilettos.  But trust me, you will be happy you have shoes to wear that aren't meant for the gym, pool, or a stripper pole.

And slip on shoes ARE just as easy to slip on as flip flops.  And you can run after a kid just as easily in flats as in flip flops, Uggs, or Crocs.  So just put the plastic/furry shoes down and back away slowly.

3.  Get naked.

You heard me.  This isn't a warm and fuzzy Learn To Love Myself thing, people.  This is a You Have To Acknowledge Your Body Shape In Order To Dress It thing.

I'm not a fan of categorizing people's shapes like fruits (apple, pear, etc.) or geometric shapes (inverted triangle, rectangle, blah blah).  I do subscribe to Kendall Farr's idea of Types A, B, and C.  I highly recommend her book, The Pocket Stylist, btw. 

Loosely speaking, Type A is bigger on the bottom than the top, Type B is roughly the same size top and bottom with a defined waist, and Type C is somewhat straight up and down.  No matter what size you are, the theory goes, you maintain the same body type.  (Women who are bigger on top than on bottom, I'm afraid you don't have a type in this theory.  But you could follow guidelines for Type B, most likely.)

For women who carry your weight in your midsection, you too have to look at what your proportions are.  You will almost certainly fit into one of the three main types.

The keys for all of us? Highlighting the smallest part of your waist (yes, it really works) and working WITH your body shape, rather than trying to pretend it's something it is not (yep, it also really works).  These two things are your reality check.  If you find yourself in something you don't find flattering, ask yourself whether these two things are true.

I am not going to go into a lot of detail right now about what works and doesn't work for each body type.  For one thing, a lot of useful books have been written on the subject.  Hit me up for a recommendation if you'd like.  For another thing, the real work isn't in knowing what to wear, it's in knowing what NOT to wear.  So that is what I'm going to focus on, with some suggestions on what to replace those forbidden pieces with.  

4. Don't hide in black.
The old notion of black being slimming is a misleading one.  Clothes that fit are slimming.  Colors that flatter are slimming.  Shapes that work with your shape are slimming.

Newsflash: not everyone looks good in black. Are there colors that you wear and get complimented every time?  Colors that make your eyes pop?  Colors that seem to work for you every time you put them on?  THOSE are the colors to reach for.

A note on favorite colors: if you like a color that doesn't look great on you, you have two options.  Wear it away from your face or wear by your face and change your make up to make it work.  Not a great make up artist, I tend to keep colors that don't flatter me (like orange) to my footwear and accessories.

Color theory is another broad topic about which much is written.  I am a Donna Fuji fan, so invest in her books- or a consultation with her if you are in the Bay Area- if you want to learn more. 

Suffice it to say that these things hold true almost all of the time:

a. You are probably wearing at least one color that does not suit you.

b. You are probably avoiding at least one color that does suit you.

Without a professional's opinion, I recommend trying on a bunch of colors and having an honest friend tell you what they think.  You will probably get a sense pretty quickly of what works and what doesn't.

One (very) broad generalization: most redheads don't look great in black.

My point?  Don't hide in black because you think it's slimming.  If it doesn't fit well and the color doesn't suit you, it's not doing anything for you.

5.  Run, do not walk, away.

If you like this stuff, fine, but if you want to wear what is most flattering when you feel somewhat (or a lot) heavier than you'd like, just get over them.

(Disclaimer: almost anything I list here will work for some people, some of the time.  So read it knowing that I get it- sometimes you post-pregnant/struggling with body issues/want to hide figure flaws people can make this stuff work.  Some of the time.)

Get over: skinny jeans. They are not your friend. 
Replace with: dark rinse, straight leg, boot cut, or slightly flared jeans.  And just because you haven't been jeans shopping since 1981 does not mean all flared or boot cut jeans are "bell bottoms."  Get over it and TRY THEM ON.  If you find a pair you love, buy at least two pairs, preferably in two different washes (no super light or acid wash, please!).  If you wear heels and flats, get one pair hemmed for flats and have one long enough for heels.  If you wear only flats, have them both hemmed.

A note on hemming: not much looks sloppier than pants dragging on the ground. Sloppy does not equal slim and feeling great.  So hem your damn jeans.

Get over: giant t-shirts.  They are hideous and make you look bigger, not smaller.
Replace with: fitted tops.  If looking slimmer is your goal, shirts that skim your figure are best. Even better? Shirts with some structure, like darting at the waist or seams under the bust.

Get over: kitsch.
Replace with: on-trend (yeah I hate that phrase, too) patterns
You know who you are.  But you aren't fooling anyone with your Tinkerbell sweatshirt and Power Puff Girls bag.  Winnie the Pooh, people?! Are you freaking kidding me? Buy a book or a freaking figurine.  Don't wear this stuff any more.

Distraction can be a useful tool, but we are going to do it with adult patterns and shapes, not juvenile crap that just demeans us.  Right? Right.

6.  Shop somewhere else.

So, this is one more thing to get the hell over: your preconceived notions about what looks good on you and what doesn't.

I have experienced this myself and when helping others shop.  Here's the rule you MUST shop by, until you have a great handle on what works and what doesn't: Try Everything On.  Like a top with a tiny floral print and aren't sure you can pull it off?  Try it on.  Love that dress on the hanger?  Try it on.  You are not required to buy anything you don't love, but you are required to try on lots of different things for a while.

The best way out of the rut is to shop in places you don't normally go into.  I found two amazing dresses in a shop I'd previously avoided because I thought it was too expensive.  Not only were they in my price range, they are awesome dresses I couldn't find elsewhere. 

Always go to Ann Taylor?  Go to Anthropologie. And make yourself try on at least 4 things.  Hate them? Fine, but at least you tried.  Always hit The Gap?  Go to Nordstrom.  Online shopper?  Try a bricks and mortar store or two.

Shopping somewhere else is the best way out of any sort of shopping rut you are in.

I could go on, but for now I leave you with this: Dressing yourself is not just a set of skills you acquire, it is an attitude.  You dress for yourself first, and others second.  And dressing for yourself means wearing what makes you feel confident/amazing/insert happy option here.