To Buy or Not to Buy: Resort Wear

This is not a pretty picture.


I don't care if you heart Marc Jacobs/love pinky salmon/think dressing head to toe in one color is fly. Unless you are the activities director for Norweigian Cruise Lines, this is not ok.


Resort wear is what designers put out between seasons to keep us interested and buying. Instead of buying clothes for your real life, you are buying for exotic places you'd like to visit and fabulous vacations you'd love to take. In short, it's a fantasy that designers are selling us- the idea that we all hopping from one sunny destination to another is hilarious given the current economic climate and the fact that it is still JANUARY.


I'm not saying that all between-season clothing lines are useless, but you should choose what you take home with care (unless you live in Miami, in which case, dive right in).

A few common traps:

White pants

I know you envision yourself lounging on your yacht, sipping mojitos in your crisp white pants. Unless you are meticulous, they will get dirty. And unless you actually own a yacht, you probably don't need these. Most women are really uncomfortable in white pants and unless they fit perfectly and are sparkly white, they won't do you any favors.

Straw purse

Sure they are roomy and summery. But do you really think it looks nice with work separates? Or even jeans in the city? This is a passable look on the weekend when it's warm, but trust me, you can do better.

If you are ACTUALLY going to the beach or pool, these are totally appropriate.

Pastels

If pastels are a good color palette for you, then pre-Spring and Spring are your seasons to shop. If not, just don't do it. Know why it looks great on the fair-skinned blond model? Because she has the coloring for it or the makeup to make it seem that way.

Some good peices to look for:

Sandals

If you love sandals, they are starting to get easier to find. And the Spring collections of high-heeled and platform sandels are awesome right now. I am loving a lot of what Piperlime.com is showing these days.

Dresses

A good choice for work or weekend because wearing a dress is an easy way to update your look without a lot of thought. I like what Banana Republic and Anthropologie are offering right now, and there are amazing sales online at retailers like Bluefly and Tobi.

In keeping with our resolutions, try one in a fun pattern.

Sunglasses

Good for keeping sun AND strangers away. Check.

Trench

If you don't already have a trench coat, now is a great time to consider one. It is a good time of year for selection and prices are becoming increasingly reasonable. Grey, khaki, black, whatever- this is a must-have for all closets.

This is not my last word on the subject, my darlings...

Closet Cleaning - Just Do It Already

I have read at least 10 articles in the last 3 weeks about how to shop your closet and make wise purchases. They aren't necessarily useless, but they are all the same in that they are missing something very important, which brings me to the theme of today's post:

Clean the Crap Out of Your Closet

This means that you have to take everything out and try it on and decide whether you are keeping it. Yes, it takes time, but since you are not shopping right now (probably) and you have recovered from the holidays (hopefully), you have both the time and the energy to tackle this.

I have realized, after helping a lot of women clean out their closets, that it is easiest do to so with a friend, a glass of bubbly, and your sense of humor in tact. So find a friend who either loves cleaning closets or is at least very honest and crack open that bottle you've been saving.

I like the following approach, but you might find something that works better for you. Just be ready to spend several hours on this and have several bags ready for your discards.

Pull out every thing you own, either all at once, or peice by peice. You and your closet cleaning companion should decide how you want to determine what to keep and what to toss. My preferred factors are a) Fit, b) Condition, and c) Suitability.

Fit

We have discussed this before, and surely we will do so again. Suffice it to say that if it fits, you can get to points b and c; if it does not, you must toss it.

The only exception to this rule is when minor tailoring (hem length, strap adjustment, etc.) can make the item fit. To keep the item, however, you must take to the tailor IMMEDIATELY. Like, tomorrow. Otherwise, it's just taking up valuable space.

(If you are having a hard time parting with something because you think it COULD fit at some point, ask yourself whether you have worn it in the last 3-6 months. One trick I play with myself is to move those items to another closet, out of sight. If, several months later, I haven't even thought about them, then I know I can- and should- get rid of them. More often than not, I don't even remember what I put in that out of the way location, which is a sign that I never needed that stuff in the first place.)

Condition

If it's stained or torn, seams are pulling apart, or there are any other signs of disrepair, you must toss it. I know you think that you will one day turn Martha and hand-sew all of your garments back to their original condition. Get over it. Unless there is a very simple repair that will make the item wearable, like replacing a button or repairing a hem, it's not worth it.

Suitability

This is where most of your justifications to yourself and disagreements with your friend will start.

Suitability means that the items is appropriate for your (actual, not imagined!) life, your personal style, and the current fashion climate.

One woman whose closet I made over was keeping stuff from middle school and high school because the clothes weren't in poor condition and they still fit. But the styles were 10-15 years out of date and didn't work for her business casual office environment or active lifestyle on the weekends.

Another woman had a several prairie skirts and bum-around-the-park tops that she loved for sunny days lazing around the parks in the City. Unfortunately, the clothes did not flatter her, nor did she have a lot of time for lazing around. And jeans or walking shorts would work just as well when she did have time to lounge outside, and would also suit her structural, more modern aesthetic much better.

One of my own closet issues revolves around button down shirts. I buy them, thinking I can make them work with peices I already own, and I can. But what I can't do it get comfortable in them. When they fit my bust, they are huge in the shoulder; when they fit my shoulders, it gaps at the button-closures at the bust. And I don't even like them! They don't make my professional clothes look sharp; I feel stuffy. And they don't make my casual looks polished; I feel like a soccer mom. So they aren't my thing. So even if one fits and is in good condition, I should get rid of it.

After you have been through everything, you can put away the keepers and sort the discards into one pile to give away and one pile to toss entirely. You should also make a plan to deal with anything that needs repair or tailoring.

Along the way, I keep a list of what's missing. Great burgandy cords but no top to go with? Put it on the list. All work clothes and nothing for weekend? On the list. Wear jeans to work everyday (lucky dog!) and only 2 pairs of jeans? List!


All of the above should be done at least once a year. I cull my closet 3-4 times a year, have gotten my methods down to a (somewhat tipsy) science, and each session takes less than 2 hours now. And I have a constantly evolving list so when I shop, I can be focused on something I should get versus getting distracted by all of the delicious sales...

Resolutions for a Stylish 2009

Lose 20 pounds, stop drinking, get 8 hours of sleep...I've heard them all before and they are a big, fat SNORE. So let's hear it for some resolutions we can all actually keep.

1. We will limit our kitsch.
If you are over 14, you can no longer wear Hello Kitty, Winnie the Pooh, or any Disney character on any article of clothing you own. No, not even the sweatshirt your sweetheart/mom/BFF bought you on The Best Trip Ever to Disney World.

If you must have Mickey in your life, get a damn coffee mug like a damn adult.

2. We will wear patterns and textures.
I love a solid color- I don't have to even CONSIDER about what it goes with, because it goes with any neutral in my closet. However, not only will it not kill you to try a pattern or two, but it will actually wake up your wardrobe. Repeat after me: Patterns are not scary.

More on this another time, because you know you need it.

3. We will make rational purchases.
I'm a pot calling the kettle black here, people, I know. I am the queen of justifying purchases that I want as items that I need. I'm all for supporting the economy, but let's try to pare those wants down a bit, shall we? Maybe 2 new handbags instead of 4 this year? (Grumble.)

4. We will accessorize with care and creativity.
Read: we will not wear the same, tired pendant with every outfit and call it a day. Change your necklaces, ladies! And while those studs/stacked rings/pearls look fab, they don't work with EVERY outfit.

Modern women are creative in their dress, so let's update, shall we?

5. We will dress the bodies we have, not the ones we want.
You've heard this before, I know. And I'm not big on dishing about all of the psychological stuff that goes into dressing, body image, etc. But I will tell you this: the women who acknowledge their bodies and dress them accordingly are much better put together than women who don't. You might hate your thighs, but that doesn't mean they deserve to be hidden in sweatpants every day. And you might love your boobs, but if they are over a (very perky) B cup, let's keep 'em in their holster in public, mmm kay?

The Office Party, Volume 2

First, a few definitions, my little lambs...

A Black Tie invitation calls for formal attire. Men should wear tuxedos; women should wear cocktail, long dresses or dressy evening separates.

This is not to be confused with Cocktail Attire, which means short, elegant dresses for women and dark suits for men.

These are not the only options for parties- there are Black Tip Optional affairs, Semi-Formal events, Creative Black Tie parties, etc. I would like to highlight a few differences for you and incorporate a couple of rules to live by.

1. Black Tie means it's fancy.

You cannot get around this in any way. If you don't want to dress this formally, don't go the event.

Your best color choices are black, navy, gray, deep jewel tones, or red. Pastels are not ok, and bland colors like oatmeal and cream are inadvisable.

2. Cocktail means it's fancy, too, it just means men won't be in tuxedos and you don't have to wear a ball gown. Dresses are still your best option.

Look, if you prefer separates, that's cool, but they must rise to the same level of formality that you'd have in a fancy dress.

Tuxedo pants and a jewel-toned blouse could be fun, or a silk skirt with a sequined top would be a good option.

3. Velvet pants are not ok.

Don't even CONSIDER them. I have said it before and I will say it again: they always look cheap, no matter what you paid. Why would you do that to yourself?

4. Red and green together are not "festive." They are tacky.

5. This is an office affair, whether you are bff with half the office or not, so don't get cute.

Dress in keeping with the level of formality of the event and now is not the time to reveal the peircing/tattoo that you've been keeping under wraps.

6. Notice how in each of the above descriptions of black tie and cocktail did not include any mention of sex? That's because they do not call for over sexiness.

Dresses are fantastic, but keep them mid-thigh at the SHORTEST (and even then, with tights and lover-heeled shoes) and do not show massive amounts of cleavage .

7. Chose under garments carefully.

Bra straps hidden; no visible panty line; control top controlling, not rolling, so you have to yank on it every 5 minutes.

The Office Party, Volume 1

Now that the election is over, I can focus again on what's truly on your minds: what to wear to the office holiday party.

I get frequent questions about this apparently uncomfortable nexus of work and socializing. If you already don't like your cohorts, then this is a dreaded event and you might as well amuse yourself by looking awesome. If you like them, then you have a great excuse to wow them with your savvy sense of style.

And yet, every year, I see women buying and wearing the most HIDEOUS excuses for party attire.

Let me make it easy for you: overtly sexy is not ok.

For those of you living in a cave, this means that if you'd feel supremely awkward wearing it in front of your boss/CEO/clients during the workday, then it is not appropriate for the office party. Even with an open bar, she's still your boss.

I'm not saying you have to wear suit separates; that is just boring. A party dress or fancy skirt is a fab idea and I recommend buying something that is a little bit different from what people are used to seeing you in.

Let's start with the basics and I will get into detail and some big, fat nos in a bit...

The dress below is the perfect mix of fun and flirty without being overly sexy. Bare shoulders are great when the rest of the outfit isn't reveling, and showing off some leg (note I did not say THIGH) is perfectly fine.

A taffeta skirt says holiday party to me. With a simple top and great shoes, you are set. Any color is fine, as long as the rest of the outfit stays neutral.

Every woman needs at least one great evening top. It looks great with jeans, dress pants, skirts, etc. For an office party, I recommend teaming it with dark tailored pants (now is not the time for your reindeer print, people), heels, and sparkly jewelry. Make sure the top shows some skin- shoulders, neck, back- but little, if any, cleavage.

Until the Volume 2, I will leave you with this: pick one focal point and dress around it. Too much holiday cheer (read: Santa hat earrings, sequined top & brocade pants- you know who you are) can be just as bad as none at all.

Crazy Banana Sale

So, I know that Banana Republic is ubiquitous, but it's also a super easy choice when you need modern work basics. Right now they are having an AMAZING sale. Like, suit jackets that were $150 are now $39.99. Run, do not walk, to this sale, either at the store or online at bananarepublic.com.

Seriously, the suit pants are like $60. They are usually over $100.

All hail recession pricing and retailer desperation.

Recessionista Round Up

A few tips, hot off the presses:

Hot Tip #1: Leggings are not pants.
In an effort to save cash, many women are wearing their leggings as pants. If you tell me that it's for a reason other than budget, I will be ill. If I see one more woman's arse in her leggings, I am going to lose my shit. Treat all leggings as tights and wear them under your skirts and dresses, as god intended.

Hot Tip #2: If it doesn't button across your chest, it doesn't fit.
I know, I know- you found such a great deal on that crisp white button down and you can't wait to wear it with everything you own. It fits your shoulders, your waist, and only pulls a LITTLE across your bust.
I sympathize but I still don't want to see your middle button pop open at work.
Do everyone a favor and 1) buy a shirt that fits, 2) buy one that fits your bust and get it tailored for your shoulders and waist, or 3) stop buying button downs. I don't wear them for this very reason and I have never once had a problem finding appropriate clothes for work.

Hot Tip #3: Shoe Pavilion is going out of business.
If you have one near you, go already.

Hot Tip #4: Sigerson Morrison is designing (cute!) shoes for Target. Anya Hindmarch is designing (really cool) handbags for Target. And Issac Mizrahi has some (great) dresses at Target. Converse One Stars are (rockin' it) at Target. Do I really need to say more?

Hot Tip #5: Smart Bargains has some amazing deals on some really lovely designer handbags and clutches right now. Like Via Spiga, Cole Haan, and Charles David.

Hot Tip #6: If you need to buy yourself a little happy, Overstock has hundreds of rings for under $100. Woo hoo!