Happy Halloween!

On this day of all things weird and frivolous, I present you with several shopping options for the weird, frivolous, or perhaps just pre-teens on your upcoming holiday lists. Yeah, I said it- the holidays approach, people, let's not whine about it.

Galibardy is an accessories site with some pretty interesting trinkets. I'm talking a gold plated barbed wire necklace and cuckoo clock earrings. Love this site, think someone you are buying for might love it, too. I, of course, want the Bird on Wire brass necklace, but I digress...

Plasticland is chock full of ridiculous things I want that I never even knew I wanted, but that no one really NEEDS (except I need the Foot in the Door Shoe Doorstop, actually, so scratch that last part). The adorable shoe section alone is enough to keep me coming back for more, but they also have cute jewelry and handbags. Browse with caution: TOO much kitsch can be hazardous to your style.

I hate to break it to my friends with young kids, because I WILL be looking for excuses to buy stuff in the Teeny Tiny Toddlers section at Girlzlyfe. Don't lie, new or newish moms, you know you want your children to be the proud new owners of PB&J hairclips and this Cute as a Cupcake bodysuit. Just try to stop me. Truthfully, most of the items on this site are for a younger set, but that doesn't mean I won't be wishing that I'd had the Little Lemon studs in middle school. Or you know, had my ears peirced.

Happy frivolity!

Bridesmaid Dresses, Revisted

This is the one where I post pictures of hideous bridesmaid dresses and mercilessly make fun of them.



Looks like something I wore to a middle school dance. This is not only the ghastly color of death, it doesn't even flatter the underweight model. If I can see her every lump, how great will normal people feel in this grossness? The fact that the fabric type is undisclosed leads me to suspect that it a) is 100% unnatural, and b) feels like burlap.





Wow, this is...wow. Are there brides who want all eyes pointed at their bridesmaids' crotches? The tacky lace up ridiculousness in the back is just adding insult to injury.




I thought this went without saying, but, as usual, I have to say it anyway: when the models look chunky in a dress, don't make anyone wear it. Girlfriend on the right is looking bloated, people, and we know she's not. So the dress ISN'T FLATTERING. Don't do this to people you call friends. These colors are also just disgusting.




Too matronly for even a Matron of Honor. Column sheath in shiny fabric won't do anyone any favors. Aging socialite, anyone?




This color seems less than celebratory to me. More something I'd consider for a wall or maybe a sofa.

Handbag of the Day: Sweet Satchel

This is the Steve by Steve Madden Sweet Escape satchel for $198. The color is listed as orange, but I'm betting this is really more of a kicky shade of brown. I love how simple this bag is, and how roomy it looks.

Check out: Footzyrolls

Once I got past the slightly ridiculous name, I got on board with this ingenious little shoe idea. Footzyrolls are rollable (it is so a word!) shoes you can throw in your bag to wear after a long day or night in heels. I'm currently partial to the wedding set for obvious reasons. They also come in black, silver and gold and they are only $25. I haven't tested these out yet, but I will let you know when I do (hint, hint to anyone who wants to buy me anything).

Seeking Non-Hideous Bridemaid Dresses

As with most things, there are usually a few of one item I am shopping for that I like and a huge number that are completely unacceptable. Looking at bridesmaid dresses online, I think the ratio is even worse. The number of hideous, friendship-ending dresses available is offensive. The number of dresses I can stand? In the single digits. Granted, my Bride Squad is on the hunt for dresses they like; it's in their interest to find something we can all agree on. But I don't want anyone to have to buy a dress they hate, is unflattering, or is just plain uncomfortable.

Here are my apparently really difficult requirements:

1. Not strapless
This was a request made by the Mistress of Honor, and it's a reasonable one. Why wear a strapless bra if you don't have to? However, dressmakers appear to think that every bride and bridesmaid want a strapless dress. So, of course, finding dresses with straps of any kind is going to be a pain in the arse.

2. Flattering length
This should go without saying, but the dress length should be flattering. At or just above the knee or floor length are fine, but almost no one really looks best in something in between. There are, of course, a billion dresses in that terrible in between length. Maybe other people don't mind if their bridesmaids look or feel stubby/stumpy/oddly proportioned, but I want pictures I won't cringe at for years to come.

3. Comfortable fabric
This request was made by another Bride Squad member, and I think it's reasonable as well. Are there dresses not made of polyester and rayon blends that don't cost over $400? Probably, but not that many, apparently. Since there is no way I am asking them to spend that kind of money on a dress they will likely wear once (no need to blow smoke and sunshine up everyone's bum about wearing it again), I will be searching for the elusive dress made up of at least mostly natural fibers that doesn't feel like plastic.

4. Color that passes the laugh test
You know what I'm talking about. Everyone knows that sea foam green and lemon yellow are just not flattering on most people. I don't care what anyone's flower/linen/chair cover colors are, but I do think one has to consider whether the color they have chosen for these dresses is going to flatter a wide variety of skin tones (or at least the skin tones of your particular bridesmaids). Since the color choices seem endless, I have committed to a range of colors I would agree to, and asked the Squad to look around. I am not putting them in hot pink (I think that's a little mean), but I'm also not agreeing that they can all show up in black.

I am taking any and all suggestions on places we might find dresses we can all get on board with...

Accessories Sites You Will Love

I'm am really into UncommonGoods. I'm obviously with this sterling silver bird ring, but these reclaimed bottle rings are also pretty great... The unique jewelry selection is what drew me to this site, but I also like several other categories, including Wallets & Bags (check out the Alejandra purse) and Home Decor (love, love, LOVE some of the random wall art).

I also recommend Una Alla Volta for jewelry and other accessories. The right hand rings are really fun, and I am asking for this pewter crown ring holder for Channuka/Christmas/Kwanzaa/Winter Solstice.

Lastly, if you haven't checked out Etsy yet, you are missing what is probably the largest online collection of jewelry and other accessories. Don't let the massive selection daunt you; I always check it out with a very specific idea of what I'm looking for, and the choices get narrowed down quickly. The price range is as varied as the selection, so you are pretty likely to find almost exacly what you want in your price range... And so many of the pieces are truly unique and quite amazing.

Happy Blog Action Day!

I don't know about you, but my idea of fashion and style does not involve handbags made of seat belts, bottle tops, or candy wrappers. I know it will be a shock to some of you, but I don't DO crunchy. Surely making environmentally sound choices doesn't have to look so freaking hideous?

In honor of Blog Action Day, I am presenting you with several eco-friendly shopping options and sites, all of which have a distinctly crunch-free (or at least low-crunch) vibe.

ecofabulous is a blog with several eco-friendly categories; check out the Fashion category for news on eco friendly clothing lines, sources of hip organic tees, and details on recycled accessories that you would actually want to wear, like designer sunglasses and fun jewelry.

The Fashion + Beauty section of Treehugger is another great source for eco-conscious clothing, all natural cosmetics, and some brief articles on topics like environmentally sound uses of fur.

Real Green's article Fire Your Clothes Dryer is a practical article on why we should stop using our dryers and how we can do it. I like how practical and realistic the suggestions are; I tend to ignore well-intentioned articles recommending I bike to work or advising that I not flush the toilet every time (um, yeah, right).

The Rain Forest Site is a fun site, where you can not only click on a link every day to help protect endangered habitats, but you can also shop for well-priced jewelry, handbags, and clothing. Purchases also contribute to the protection of habitats, and site tells you exactly how much you are helping with each item. Steer clear of all prairie skirts and peace-sign tees; there are plenty of modern, wearable options available without having to go to that dark and hideous place. And by well-priced, I mean truly affordable.

Earth Girls in an online "eco boutique" with some seriously adorable stuff. The well edited selection of clothes and accessories is fab enough that I'd shop there even if it weren't a environmentally friendly site.

World of Good sells "Style Savvy, Planet Friendly" goods, and it's not all raffia bags (although some of those are pretty cute for spring & summer). Some of the jewelry is great, and I am drooling over several recycled rings and bangles. Lots of well-priced choices, here, too...

Many people make earth friendly choices simply by shopping at vintage, thrift, or consignment stores. I find these places hard to shop in (I'm weak, I know) and thus don't have any fab advice on them. I do admire those with the stamina to sift the diamonds from the endless rough- I've seen a few amazing finds on some co-workers.

This is not a comprehensive list, so feel free to share your (stylish, non-crunchy) suggestions, too!

Meet Ada: Either she is REALLY smart...

Or her parents are awesome.

Probably both.

7 Fall Trends to Avoid

Below is my list of 7 fall trends that you are to avoid at all costs, along with 2 to wear with caution:

1. Printed Bottoms

This should go without saying, but if the print on your pants or leggings is more skulls than pinstripe, turn around, go back home, and CHANGE. Subtle prints add dimension and depth to an outfit. The shiteous crap you saw in the 80s (and early 90s- *shudder*) is unacceptable in every way.

2. Open-Toed Booties

I have discussed this before, at length. Happy to give you a refresher if you have forgotten why these just aren't right.

3. Snuggies

They are basically blankets with arms worn like a poncho. I don't care what you wear in your house during the winter. I do care what you wear the instant you leave your house, regardless of weather. I love being cozy, but there is a time and place for wearing a blanket, and that time is not at work, at the store, on the bus, at a restaurant, at the park, or any number of other places that qualify as Not Being At Your House.

4. Velvet

Repeat after me: Velvet. Always. Looks. Cheap. And in the daytime? Especially revolting.

5. Embellished Tights

WhoWhatWear is calling this "razzle-dazzle legs," which I think should say it all.

6. Shorts with Tights

I have seen so much of this already, I can hardly stand it. What's wrong with pants or a skirt, people?! Is there a reason that such a weird, juvenile trend has spread so far? It looks trend-slavish at best and cheap and tacky at worst.

7. Visible Lingerie

Do I really have to say OUT LOUD that this is just gross? Purposefully exposing your bra or other lingerie is just crass, I don't care how pretty or expensive it is.

Wear with Caution # 1: Thigh High Boots

I'm not sold on these for myself, but I can understand why people like them. I recommend choosing your skirt length carefully- too short could be in the mistaken-for-a-prostitute zone. Also, the boots should be of good quality leather, not pleather or any other synthetics. When you wear that much shoe, they better look expensive, even if you hit a fab sale.

Wear with Caution #2: Vests

Can be a great layer for a sleek outfit, or could add volume where you don't need any. A vest should not be so oversized that it looks like you borrowed it from a dude. They should not be made of molting, or molting-looking, fur or faux fur. Vests should not be worn with equally large/puffy/oversized pants. And for god's sake, don't buy anything that looks like your mom may have had it in the 70s.

ATTENTION FELLOW BLOGGERS

I rarely use this forum as a platform for my pet political issues, so I feel confident that you will indulge me this one time.

Blog Action Day is October 15, and is touted as the "the largest-ever social change event on the web." If you want in, just register at their site and blog about climate change in whatever way your little heart desires on October 15.

My topic is going to remain a surprise, but it won't be as off topic as you might think it would be...

Worst Bridal Gowns Ever

Check out E Dub's post today on some of the worst bridal gowns EVER. If you can even call them gowns... As a bonus, the post may or may not refer to moi.

Obviously, I will be borrowing the word "shiteous" and using it liberally.

Magenta is the New Black

Kidding, kidding. Grey is obviously the new black. But how fab would these Betsey Johnson Kazan heels look with a grey skirt? These are just eye candy for me, since they are $190 and the platform is a LITTLE clumpy for my taste, but if you are a 6 1/2 (the only size left) and would wear them more than once, they could be on your tootsies!

Engaged!

Yes, those rumors you've heard are true. I am engaged! S proposed while we were in Italy last month.

And now I get to shop for a wedding dress, bridesmaids' dresses, shoes, a tiara (shut up, you know you want one)... Will share my Italy finds soon, and then we will move on to fall/winter shopping and wedding shopping. Woot.

Handbag of the Day: Red Leather Tote

The Sak Fernwood Tote is $89.99 and delightful shade of lipstick red (they call it Punch). It also comes in a color called tobacco. The leather looks fab and the tote is roomy enough for every day use. I would take off the tacky tassle thing (I think in the product description it's called a "charm detail"); I think it cheapens the look of the bag.

No. Just No.

The newest member of the Oh, Hell No category is the foot glove:




Lest you start thinking "What a great idea!" or "Gee, those look comfy!" or some other such nonsense, allow me to set you straight. These are quite hideous, and even, as E Dub put it, a little disturbing.

This article discusses the medical/physiological/whatever reasons for such monstrosities, but I'm not convinced that their use outweighs their ugliness. Plus, on the heels (heh- see what I did there?) of such BS as Fit Flops and Crocs, I'm not sure we should be buying into this New Way Of Selling Us Shoes By Telling Us They Are Healthy. What happened to good old fashioned aesthetics and price?

My point? If a foot doctor recommends them and tells me they work, then fine, but marketers may bite me. I don't have foot issues (knock on Louboutins), but if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't go to any lengths to look this crazy without doctor's orders.

Anyone out there interested in looking this ridiculous?

Manic Monday

And by manic, I mean hideous.

I have been saving these just for you... (apologies for the crap quality- stupid iPhone camera)


This girl has a flesh belt, waaaay too tight pants, a briefcase/flute case as a bag or purse, and the same backpack as every other woman trying to pretend she is still 16.




These boots are ridiculous in every way.



When I go to a concert, I always wear my feather, droopy backpack, and cross-body bag from the vaguely ethnic store in the Haight.



Ugly printed leggings as pants- there truly is no justice in this world.