Lucky Mag, We Need to Talk

Dear Lucky Magazine,

I have been a loyal reader and faithful supporter for several years. I have been willing to try billowy blouses with boxy skirts (hello, added volume), slouchy shorts with heels (um, weird), and beaded necklaces way after their prime (just plain juvenile and tacky). But much of what you have suggested or taught me in the past has been interesting, useful, and not entirely against my better judgment.

However.

The December 2009 issue is chock full of hideous suggestions and ideas that I wouldn't consider on my most desperate day of wardrobe hell. For brevity's sake, I highlight three of your most recent transgressions:

Shorts for Evening: this is a terrible idea, not least because it is just beyond weird. I don't care if the shorts are sequined and you are wearing your fanciest heels, you'll still be wearing SHORTS AS EVENING WEAR. Yeah, shorts have made a come back somewhat on the runways, but to advise normal people to do this is just irresponsible. Not ok.

Sweatpant Trousers: Are you freaking kidding me?! Are the editors blind? Please explain how sweatpants- designed for masses of People Who Just Came From the Gym or Just Gave Up Entirely- got "styled" with rolled up hems, chunky platforms and a blazer? Perhaps this was the Joke of The Issue section? No? The words that came to mind when I saw this were: schizophrenic, heavy, weird. Not words I want associated with my look, ever.

Socks Pulled Way Up Over Boots: This one can get controversial. I am on the side of Socks Peeking Out Over The Tops of Flat Riding Boots Can Be Cute. You are apparently on the side of Socks Pulled Up So High More of Your Leg Is Covered By Sock Than Boot. I find this look a little silly and also a lot stupid. And if you are already wearing tights, why the hell are you wearing socks? Just buy boots that fit and you won't have this issue in the first place.

I contemplated a break up, but I am planning to give you another chance to satisfy me in ways only you know how. Who else can provide page after page of drool-worthy bags along with good advice on how to wear (adorable!) short-sleeved coats and jackets in the winter?

Lucky Mag, you and I are meant to be together. Please stop including weird/stupid/lame/insulting advice in your future issues, and I know we can go the distance.

Yours truly,
Ellen S.