Saturday, December 19, 2009

Oops, I forgot my PANTS

This subject has been blogged and tweeted to death.  And yet, the blight of people wearing tights as pants is still upon us.  I do not understand AT ALL why anyone thinks that tights are in ANY WAY a substitute for pants.

Let's break this down, shall we?

1. They are not pants.  They are hosiery.  Nordstrom and Macy's know the difference, why don't you?

Here, let me help you out:

The Random House Dictionary defines pants as  "Sometimes, trouser...a usually loose-fitting outer garment for the lower part of the body, having individual leg portions that reach typically to the ankle but sometimes to any of various other points from the upper leg down."

That same dictionary defines tights as "a skin-tight, one-piece garment for the lower part of the body and the legs, now often made of stretch fabric, originally worn by dancers, acrobats, gymnasts, etc., and later made for general wear for adults and children."

The American Heritage Dictionary defines hosiery as "Stockings, socks, and underclothing." 

As those of you with eyes can see, all of the definitions are DIFFERENT.  They are not the same. Hello?

2. Since hosiery is not the same as other clothing, it is designed and sold for a DIFFERENT purpose.  Just as an example, keeping one's legs warm/comfy/stylish under skirts and dresses.  Pants of course, are designed and sold to cover your arse and legs, while at the same time also (hopefully) making said arse and legs look hot and long, respectively.

Here's the thing: when you wear tights, you are being asked to also wear clothing.  When you wear pants, you are ALREADY wearing clothing.  Ya see what I mean?

3.  You don't look as awesome as you think you do.  Not only do you look like a trend slave, but you don't look pulled together, chic, sophisticated, upscale, or even kind of ok.  You look juvenile. You look like you are copying Lindsay Lohan, which makes me question whether you are a threat to yourself or others.  Your arse doesn't look as great as you think it does.  And mostly, you look like you FORGOT YOUR DAMN PANTS.

4.  There are all kinds of alternatives to the tights-as-pants look that will allow you to keep up with the current trends while maintaining your (obviously erroding) dignity.

There is the denim leggings + tunic look.  This is trendy AND sane.  Score.

There is the dress over tights look.  This is adorable/funky/whatever you want it to be. 

There is the skinny jeans option- these, of course, are actual pants, and therefore can be worn as such while also giving you the tight-covering-on-the-bottom you are clearly seeking.

And finally, there is the WEARING PANTS option.  Sorry, I didn't mean to yell.

5. Every time you wear tights as pants, a kitten dies.

In summary, tights are not pants.  Tights are NOT pants.  Tights are not PANTS.  TIGHTS are not pants.  Tights ARE not pants.

To that end, I recommend checking out  Let's all work together to destroy this scourge on our eyes, our delicate sensibilities- nay, our planet.


Kim said...

So, I read this thoroughly and I just have one question... are tights pants? heeheeheehee....
Just kidding!!! : )

Agnes said...

Amen, thanks for posting this!