Bridesmaid Dresses, Revisted, Again

Because I am now in the market for bridesmaid dresses for my wedding and for one I will wear as a bridesmaid myself, I am still highly unimpressed with my options.

I have found several more categories of the hideousness, beyond what I discussed several months ago on this topic.

First, there is The Shiny And Cheap Dress.  This dress is shiny and-you guessed it- cheap.  When I say "cheap" I mean cheap-looking, not necessarily inexpensive.  Many an expensive dress may be found in this category.  And they are almost always shown in the worst possible colors.  Please see Exhibit A:

Pretty sure the bride's selection of this color is telling you that she could not care less about whether you looked washed out/ill/dead.  See also, many, many options at David's Bridal.

Second is the I THINK This Is What The Word Classy Means Dress.  These are the dress designs that are trying too hard.  They are often strapless (a ridiculous trend I wish would die), but not always... See Exhibit B:

Not only does this dress make EVERYONE look stumpy by cutting off their leg line, the halter neck and significant cleavage screams trashy.  So if you aren't certain of what the words classy or tasteful mean, do yourself a favor and LOOK IT UP.

Third is the Dowdy Dress.  This dress makes its wearer look old, no matter what her age.  These dresses are often separates or a dress with a jacket.  These can be found in both the Bridesmaid sections and Mothers of the Bride/Groom sections of a store or site.  They are a plague we must collectively work to eradicate.  Please see Exhibit C:

Um, I can't even find the words for this monstrosity.

The fourth category is the Romantic Dress.  This dress is gauzy, wispy, and in a non-color like pale lavender or baby pink. Exhibit D:

People, I can guarantee that if the groom isn't color-blind, he will hate these dresses.  And they don't do justice to any person over age 6.  Adults just look ridiculous in these I Am Being Romantic Because This Is A Wedding And I Want To Infantilize My Bridesmaids dresses.

A fifth and highly ubiquitous catergory is the OOh You Could Wear It Again, It's So Boring Dress.  This dress is such a snooze, the bridesmaids will barely be noticed.  And the bride gets to justify her (usually unflattering and shiny) selection by believing her bridesmaids will be able to sport this little number again. Exhibit E:

Hey, brides!  This is a myth.  Don't kid yourself- she doesn't want to wear this POS again EVER.

Until next time, I leave you with this:

Hey, if I can't sleep after seeing this, I want company in line for the eyeball bleach.